#15 The Adventure to Great Soap & How to Find it: Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith
I am hoping it's not too soon to share some of this part of "The Adventure to Great Soap & How to Find it".
For Years I have always encouraged people to take risks or take a chance on "what could be". Taking a "page out of" my fathers book & help people see that they can be anything they want to have helped me feel better on days when I don't feel I can conquer the world. I figure sometimes I can give to people what I myself need the most.
Leaps of faith & simplifying my life have been topics that I find to be reoccurring over the last 5 to 7 years. Last year in 2021 was no different. The two things kept seeming to come up. They began to impact me harder every time they arose. The more I faced them, the more they seemed to be addressed.
Have you ever had that feeling in your stomach like you get when standing at the altar, or when you have received terrible news? It's that super heavy flutter and flip-flop you feel, followed by every inch of your brain sending out blaring ahhooogah ! ahhhooogah ! submarine horn sounds. Well, this was me the moment I had to take a look at my life and decide if I wanted to be the one to delegate in my life or be delegated to. At that moment, 3 years of building my soap into a company came to a head. This was now. This was real. Make a choice.
That moment felt like standing on the edge of the world with the wind at my back, pushing me. No parachute, No net, No stuntwoman. Now, I wish I could tell you I smiled at the face of challenge & uncertainty and threw caution to the wind.
What did I do?
I cried, I panicked, I doubted. I told myself that I was CRAZY for walking away from a secure job that had afforded me so many of the comforts of life. I gave myself every reason in the book NOT to take a chance on me. It's funny how people can give advice so freely, but when it comes to themselves, they rarely practice what they preach. That gets my goat, Not practicing what people preach. Here I was, three years into my small business and all I could come up with is " There is NO WAY you're going to make it, think of all the things you're giving up. You're NUTS". (Insert more crying here, add sleepless nights to it for good measure)
My husband Mike has always been right next to my Dad as far as believing in me goes. My Dad always jokes " You've always been my favorite Daughter" ( If you know my dad well, you can see why that's funny) Aside from Mike, Dad was right there with me in the thick of it. He accepted too many late-night calls when I couldn't sleep, he patiently listened & deciphered while I was sobbing into the phone. " I have always told you since you were a kid, you're capable of anything. Lord knows youve been up against tougher situations. I think you have this & I think you got what it takes. If it doesn't work or it need to be re-worked, you CAN do this" Dad took a breath. " Many things in my life I regret not doing. One of the biggest was listening to what other THOUGHT I should do. I support you, 100%"
Mike encouraged me to pursue soap to begin with. I am not sure either of us expected it to become what it has. Like my Dad, Mike shared too many sleepless nights & supplied countless tissues and corny jokes to lighten the load. With his big warm smile he would say to me " Think ! Think of the possibilities. Really, you should have done this a year ago."
It went on like this for weeks, I am ashamed to admit. But, It's the truth.
I went to bed early one night, angry how foolish I thought I was being at this point. I rolled onto my side and began to talk to God. I know he's been with me every step of the way, but I felt I needed to send my worries to Him. I was over feeling terrified of losing the Pharmacy career I worked for 13 years to build. I was over feeling that I was going to let so many people down. I was just done being so worried about what would happen if I didn't have "A real Job".
Before I closed my talk to God, I said " Its all laid out. I am yours, show me what to do" I went to sleep.
I got up the next morning feeling funny. I thought maybe I was coming down with a cold or was still tired from all the crying the night before. I went to the coffee maker, let the dogs out & turned on my work computer. Like any other day, I had work to do. Families to help with their billing woes & mountains of reports to run for my boss. I remember letting out a sigh and thinking to myself "How much longer can I do this, I thought this is what I wanted. I wanted this corporate position, I thought this is what sucess was supposed to feel like.
At that moment I realized what I was feeling. It was calm. I felt tired, but at the same time I felt light.
It's amazing when you get to a moment in your life when you don't have the energy to be afraid or full of anxiety anymore. The moment you ask for a little guidance and strength... How quickly it comes. "If it's meant for you, it's already yours" a friend of mine likes to say. I have no reason to believe that isn't true. I took a couple more days to process my thoughts. In those couple days to follow, my phone began to ring. It was people that I had already known & worked with inside our community and Farmer's markets. It was people I had never spoken to before....I had more calls and work than I knew what to do with. All at once the path to where I needed to go opened before me. There was NO denying what road I was going to choose. After 13 years, I left my profession. Unafraid & eager to see what was in store for me. I had never been so sure of something in my life!
End of October, I took the leap.
Faith & the leap I took has continued to bless me beyond what I expected. It's only January 2022, But Boy. It sure feels full of promise.
I am so excited to see where The Adventure to Great Soap continues to take me, and I am so thankful to have you along the way. JB
(The Photo with this Blog entry is the 1st photo taken of me as a fulltime soap maker, Mike said we needed a milestone photo...)